The Katz Files – Arnie Katz
RAW (3/24 Recap: The War Is On!:
The Kingfish Arnie Katz brings you all the highlights and sidelights from Monday’s WWE TV show!
RAW, from the University of South Carolina, opened with a live, multi-part group promo for WrestleMania 24,
John Cena told fans he’s excited that WrestleMania is less than a week away. He said he wants to walk into WrestleMania and leave as the champion.
Big Show came out to say that WrestleMania will go down in history for only one reason: Him ending Mayweather’s boxing career. He vowed that him knocking out Floyd would replace Hogan Slamming Andre as the signature WM moment.
John Bradshaw Leyfield claimed that he is the one who makes history. He gloated about hospitalizing Hornswoggle and revealing the secret of his parentage. John Cena said he wasn’t listening to JVK; he was mentally reminiscing about beating the Cowboy Financier at WrestleMania 21,
Randy Orton said that no one thinks he’ll retain the title, but that he likes it that way!
Umaga glared at everyone and took Randy Orton’s microphone. He launched an unintelligible tirade in which the only word heard clearly was “Batista.” John Cena, ever helpful, gave his translation, which focused on Orton’s predilection for boy bands and sperm whales.
After pausing to huckster his new tee-shirt, Triple H declared that nothing is more important than regaining the gold. Apart from selling tee-shirts, evidently.
Triple H claimed that WrestleMania was going to be in the Citrus Bowl, because the outdoor stadium has no room. With three such superb wrestlers, he explained, if there was a roof they would blow it off.
“At WrestleMania, the King of Kings goes back on his throne!” Triple H screamed about one inch away from Cena’s face.
William Regal came out and made a four-against-four main event: Umaga, Orton, JBL & Big Show versus Triple H, Cena, HBK and Ric Flair.
Chris Jericho & CM Punk d. MVP & Carlito
Jim Ross pointed out that this matched involved four of the seven men who will be vying for the suitcase in the Money in the Bank match at WM,
CM Punk took down MVP with a Reverse Legsweep. Punk ducked a Clothesline and connected with one of his own. He Bodyslammed MVP, but couldn’t convert it into a pinning cover.
Carlito came in to face Chris Jericho, who jolted hi with a Side Suplex! Lionheart followed up with a Clothesline and a flurry of punches. Carlito seized a Side Headlock and fired Jericho into the ropes. When Carlito set up too early for a Back Body Drop, Jericho picked him up in the Suplex position and bounced him off the top rope. As he hung over the strand, Jericho connected with a Leg Lariat!
Back from commercial, Carlito stomped away at Jericho. Jericho broke out with a Drop Toehold, bounced off the ropes and jumped onto Carlito’s back at full speed!
Chris Jericho Clotheslined Carlito and Bodyslammed him! He sprang off the middle rope with a Lionsault, but Carlito evaded it! Chris went for the Walls of Jericho, but MVP broke up the hold before it did much damage.
Carlito punished Jericho with a Crucifix and, when the victim broke free, dished out a Spinning Neckbreaker! Jericho lifted his shoulder at “two.”
MVP made his presence known by Kneedropping Jericho and taking over the attack from Carlito. MVP missed a Corner Charge, which enabled Jericho to tag CM Punk.
Punk Powerslammed MVP, but it was only worth a two count. CM threw MVP into the corner and blasted him in the face with a running knee! When Punk tried to come off the top rope, but MVP reversed and almost got a pin!
Chris Jericho returned to the action. He and MVP got into a slugfest and hammered away at each other. Chris went for an Enzuiguiri, but it misfired and flattened his own partner! MVP covered Punk and kept him down for the required one-two-three!
Grade: B-
In a pre-taped segment, Mr. Kennedy offered his WrestleMania 24 predictions.
He forecast retirement for Flair, the end of the streak for Undertaker and a win in the Money in the Bank match for himself.
A video celebrated the distinguished career of Ric Flair. After it ended, Jim Ross told fans that Ric wanted to confront Shawn Michaels on this RAW
A video pushed Big Show-Floyd Mayweather.
Great Khali d. Hardcore Holly
Hardcore Holly tried to play hit-and-run, except that he just couldn’t hit Khali hard enough to make any kind of impression.
Great Khali caught up to him in less than a minute and, from there, the match became a meaningless Squash. A Two-Hand Chokeslam mercifully ended this one.
Grade: F
After another video reminded fans of what happened to Flair last week, The Nature Boy came out live.
Flair was angry with Shawn Michaels for coming out to help him in his match against Mr. McMahon on last week’s show. He complained that it showed a lack of respect for his ability.
When HBK joined Flair in the ring, he tried to smooth over the rift, extolling Flair’s many achievements. “The Ric Flair I knew always had his bases covered, always had back-up,” Michaels insisted.
“I don’t need anybody to tell me who I am!” Flair roared, after JBK started reciting his favorite Flair catchphrases.
Ric brandished the 1981 NWA World Championship Belt! Flair said he chose HBK for WrestleMania, because he wants to prove, on the grandest stage of all, that he is still the Nature Boy.
“Let me assure you that I’m going to give you everything you need,” Shawn replied.
“I would expect noting less from you,” Flair said. “That’s what I want!’
HBK then compared Ric Flair to Old Yeller. He vowed to take his idol out back and put him out of his misery.
Flair stood nose to nose with Shawn Michaels and slapped him in the face – twice! “What are you gonna do about that!” he screamed.
Michaels accepted the slaps without comment or retaliation. He simply left the ring.
A video recounted Big Show’s visit to The Connan O’Brien Show
Melina (with Beth Phoenix) vs. Maria
The match had barely started when the ring got awfully crowded as Ashley and then Santino Marella hit the ring.
William Regal came out and made a six-person inter-gender tag team match. Wonder what the fans did wrong to deserve this one.
Melina, Beth Phoenix & Santino Marella d. Maria, Ashley & Jerry Lawler
Inter-Gender Six-Person Tag Team Match
Jerry Lawler dominated Santino Marella in the early going. He took the arrogant Italian to school with an offensive run that included a Back Body Drop and an Atomic Drop. When Marella tagged in Melina, Lawler didn’t want to fight her and gave way to Ashley, who didn’t mind a bit.
Ashley raged Melina for a while and then tagged in Maria, who uncorked a Bronco Buster. Beth Phoenix came in, picked up Maria and Bodyslammed her to the mat!
Maria and Ashley seemed to get a great deal of pleasure from slapping around Santino Marella and did so for an extended period. Maria kicked her former boyfriend completely out of the ring, where The King caught up with him to hand out more punishment.
The heels took down Maria from behind, out of sight of the referee, and Marella scored the pin on his former girlfriend.
Grade: C-
Triple H told John Cena that his loss to him two years ago still rankles. “I know I’m better than you,” said HHH. He brought up several instances in which Cena had stood between him and his unquenchable desire to regain the title. “This Sunday, if you get in my way, I’m going to mow you down.”
“Try watching for six months while a man carries around a belt you never lost,” Cena shot back. “At WrestleMania, the championship comes home!”
John Legend hyped his WrestleMania appearance in a video.
Ric Flair, Shawn Michaels, Triple G & John Cena d. Big Show, JBL & Umaga
Eight-Man Tag Team Match
No Disqualification
Randy Orton went right to work on Shawn Michaels’ right arm at the bell until HBK reversed and have him some of the same medicine. The two men battled to a stalemate as each blocked the other’s attempted maneuvers.
Finlay appeared at the top of the ramp. JBL immediately lost all interest in the match. He and Finlay raced to meet each other and brawled wildly all the way to the back.
When the show returned after commercials, Randy Orton was still whaling the tar out of HBK. Umaga replaced the champion, but nothing changed for Michaels, who continued to struggle on the wrong end of a pitiless beatdown.
Just as Umaga was about to deal HBK the Samoan Spike, Batista rumbled down the ramp toward the ring! Sure enough, Umaga abandoned the match and went to fight his opponent in the Brand Supremacy match at WrestleMania They fought a moving battle that carried them into the backstage area.
Big Show took charge of Shawn Michaels and proved to be a very rude host, subjecting HBK to a wide range of painful sensations. The Giant heaved his victim along all the way across the ring to a very rough landing!
Big Show knocked down Flair using the leverage of an Armbar. Cena ran at Big Show – and took a ring-shaking Chokeslam! Show went back to the Nature Boy, who probably would’ve preferred not to have all that attention in the form of devastating punches and chops. The referee broke it up when Show used his huge boot to choke Flair.
Randy Orton got angry when Big Show refused to let him come in to finish off Flair. Cena and The Game jumped into the ring and tried to double-team Big Show, who ended up turning the tables with a Stereo Suplex!
Big Show finally got tired of Orton’s complaints and Bealed him into the ring!
He then Chokeslammed him.
And then he walked on him.
He decided it was a good time to end his workday and left the ring and the match.
John Cena caught Randy Orton in the STGU, but Triple H turned on his partner and broke it up! That set The Game and Cena at each other’s throats in the ringside area.
Ric Flair and Randy Orton remained in the ring. Flair clamped on the Figure-Four Leglock and wrung a submission from the champion!
Grade: B (A wild clusterschmazz)
Overall Grade for This Episode: C (too much filler and too many squashes0
That’s it for today. I’ll be back tomorrow with another installment of the Internet’s fastest-rising daily wrestling column.
– Arnie Katz
Crossfire4@cox.net
(3/28/08)
This is column number 12 days in a row.
Loading ...