The Ringsider — Jim LeMond

We are less than a week away from potentially the biggest PPV in professional wrestling history. Barring something totally unforseen, this will end up at worst third biggest ever, and with the increases in PPV prices and ticket prices, all indications are that Wrestlemania 24 from Orlando on 3/30 will be the biggest money-grossing event in the history of the business.

Below is a complete show line-up, along with how I’d book each match and how I expect it to actually go down. While this is not a line-up that looks to end up producing the best Wrestlemania of all time, it is a very strong series of matches and has the potential to produce some very memorable moments.

The Match: Randy Orton vs. HHH vs. John Cena - WWE Championship

What Should Happen HHH, for all his faults, has not held either version of the world title for three years, aside from the two-hour reign on PPV a few months back. I think the big money is HHH as a heel champion, with Cena chasing him throughout the summer. I’d book Cena to be dominant and within a hair’s breath of beating Orton, but HHH somehow stealing the pin. Not an outright heel turn that night, but certainly planting the seed for one down the road.

What Will Happen I think Hunter will take the title by pinning Orton. Whether he plants the seeds for a heel turn or plays Superman is another matter entirely.

The Match: Edge vs. Undertaker - World Heavyweight Championship

What Should Happen They’re outdoors so Undertaker should probably get the biggest pyro and most spectacular ring entrance he’s ever had. I also believe he should win the title. If his win streak is to ever end, it should be to make someone who will be a superstar for the next decade, not someone already established.

What Will Happen Undertaker will continue his Wrestlemania undefeated streak, winning the title. Barring a repeat scenario from last year, I think last year’s planned long title reign will finally take place. Edge has not been anything to write home about in the ring since returning from his latest injury, so I don’t expect a classic by any means, but I do think this should be a solid match.

The Match: 24-Man Battle Royal; Winner Faces Chavo Guerrero - ECW Championship

What Should Happen The ECW belt is one that is going to be as over as the man holding it. In other words, it’s a prelim title because Chavo is a prelim wrestler. He’s solid, but has never been booked as anything special.

What Will Happen Kane will win a hideous battle royal (final four could very well come down to Kane, Big Daddy V, Mark Henry, and Great Khali, which is simultaneously the best and worst thing I can think of), then squash Chavo Guerrero to win the title.

The Match: Chris Jericho vs. Mr. Kennedy vs. CM Punk vs. Carlito vs. MVP vs. John Morrison vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Money in the Bank Ladder Match

What Should Happen Morrison, Benjamin, and Carlito are nowhere near the world title picture at this point due to booking and/or lack of effort, so you can erase those three from contention. Kennedy sucks in the ring and has blown multiple big opportunities due to his own stupidity, so I’d remove him from contention as well. MVP is vastly improved, but I think he’s a year away, although I do consider him to be future main event material. Jericho is very good, but he had a title chase run recently, and he’s not caught on since his return like most expected him to. That sort of leaves Punk by default. It’s too bad Jeff Hardy ruined it for himself, because a Hardy title run later this year would have been money.

What Will Happen I don’t think the company has learned its lesson, so I expect Kennedy to win for the second year in a row and challenge Undertaker late this year.

The Match: Shawn Michaels vs. Ric Flair - If Flair Loses He Must Retire

What Should Happen If I were handed the book, I’d give these two 20 minutes. Yes, I have that much faith in Flair, given that it’s his last match, and Michaels, given that it’s Michaels at Wrestlemania. I would have Flair win clean in the middle via figure four. After the match, I’d have Flair cut a promo saying that he could never have a better match on a better stage again, and announce that he’s retiring on top. Stealing a page out of amateur wrestling, I’d have Flair leave his boots and robe in the middle of the ring, leaving to no doubt the biggest ovation of his career. Oh, and I’d book this all to go on last.

What Will Happen I expect a great, super-emotional match, with Michaels winning via superkick. Flair and Michaels will probably do a lot of crying before, during, and after this match, and why not? This won’t go on last, but it should. Seriously, what is going to render half the emotion of this?

The Match: Big Show vs. Floyd Mayweather

What Should Happen What should have happened from the get-go would have been Mysterio (had he not been injured) and a babyface boxer (de la Hoya if possible, maybe Hatton or someone like that) as babyfaces vs. Mayweather and Show as heels. Now you’ve got two heels. I think they never should have done this in the first place, but now that it’s there, I guess you book the wrestler to go over and give this all the bells and whistles possible to make it passable.

What Will Happen I have absolutely no clue how to call this, mostly because it’s a preposterous match to book and we don’t even know if it’s a wrestling match, a boxing match, or what. I expect tons of wrestlers and Mayweather’s posse to have another wild melee. I can’t see Mayweather laying down for Show, but how can Show lose to someone a third his size? This will be a spectacle of epic preportions, but what does that mean?

The Match: JBL vs. Finlay - Belfast Brawl

What Should Happen Hornswaggle should make his return, do some comedy with Vince McMahon, and cost JBL the match. With the rash of injuries that seems to hit every so often, it’s important that JBL be kept strong in defeat. This match really should be about Vince getting his comeuppance.

What Will Happen This may not be a catch-as-catch-can mat classic, but with these two, you’re guaranteed to get a lot of hard-hitting action. Expect Vince to interfere on JBL’s behalf. Hornswaggle will likely make his return, doing some sort of comedy spot with Vince and allowing Finlay to pick up the win.

The Match: Batista vs. Umaga

What Should Happen With the annual draft lottery coming up in the next few weeks and Smackdown short on the heel side, this could easily be a feud that continues in the coming weeks and months. Umaga is prime for a switch and if such a feud were to continue, standard booking is the heel gets a cheap win. I’d book Umaga to win after some sort of foreign object comes into play.

What Will Happen Up and down the card, it looks like there will primarily be babyface wins. Given that, I do expect Batista to lose, although be booked like a monster in the process.

The Match: Candice Michelle & Maria vs. Beth Phoenix & Melina

What Should Happen Since this type of match is usually just filler to bring the crowd down prior to the main event, Candice & Maria should pick up the win in a relatively quick match.

What Will Happen I’ll use this match as a chance to use the bathroom and make myself a sandwhich. Candice & Maria will win. Nothing more than a chance to get all the girls on the big show wearing as little as possible in as brief a time as possible.

– Jim LeMond
jim_lemond@hotmail.com
(3/25/08)